bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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