I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
