I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
