there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
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