just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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