took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
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