I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
