Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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