She's JV to your varsity
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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