I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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