Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
