So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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