You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
this hospital has no fireball
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
