Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
