I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
