Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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