Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
