who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Come see our sink grown plant.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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