Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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