i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
