Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
