I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You may now shotgun with the bride
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
