And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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