I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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