Your tits are I can't wait for
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
