I wanna bring you to show and tell
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
