You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Randomize
