i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
don't judge my taste in strippers
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
