Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
