I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
