brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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