He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
