Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
