She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Randomize
