I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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