I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
