thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
