Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
