I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
