I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
