I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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