The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
