Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
oh god was she eating orange peels again
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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