It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Randomize
