I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
