i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
