i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
