Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
