is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
