Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
