FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
The beer is more important than you right now.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
