someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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