Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize