I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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