Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
