for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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