Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
