he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Randomize