hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Betty ford says i'm here all night
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize