A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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