So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
