dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
