after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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