and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
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