I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
