Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
two words...techno handjob
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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