Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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