Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
