i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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