Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
