if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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