Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize