the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize