We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
