if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
