You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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