Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
