I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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