You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
