And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
as a side note pls kill me
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
