so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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