Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
