I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
