Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
