Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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