We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
