just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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