just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
