the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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