i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
