I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
