Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
