ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
