yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
