hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Man, jail baloney is awful.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
