Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
