she woke up with a sticky ear
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize